As I’ve navigated towards a life of whole hearted living I’ve learned a lot along the way, I’ve taken opportunities as they come and I keep pushing forward to bigger and better. But, there are days that I have set backs. One of those days happened last week and I thought I’d share that with you because let’s be honest, not everything you see online gives you a full picture of reality. I’ve contemplated sharing this hard day with you but, in an effort to be authentic and share my life lessons with you, I’m opening up to you.
About a month ago I had a feeling that my ex-husband was either married, or about to get married. No idea where the idea really came from as I have no contact with him (I’m very thankful he’s left me alone). Well, last week I found out that my strange hunch was right. You’d think that given that it’s been almost 4 years and this man abused me, cheated on me and left me for dead emotionally that I wouldn’t care, but when I found out I broke down.
Yes, I cried. Yes, I felt silly for crying but the man that I had once committed my life to had moved on – and before me. How could this man who abused me make another woman fall in love with him? And why hadn’t I found love again. My emotions were raw. The day I found out I was planning on going to the Scarborough Town Centre friends and family event launch of Torrid and I love to go support Plus Size events in my area but for a split second I considered not going and was just going to go home and cry. I also considered not leading group at WINGS Maternity Home that week to because as we are walking these girls through healing from a wounded heart, my heart is still healing in areas – particularly in the area of sexual abuse as I recently opened up about.
But then….but then I was reminded that his life and what he’s doing does not take away from all the things God has done and is doing in my life. I am not affected by him whatsoever and why would I let this man steal any more of my time, energy or tears. So instead, I pulled my big girl panties on, wiped my tears and boldly made my way to Torrid.
The experience that night instantly made me realize that I made the right decision. As I perused the store minding my own business, a few people recognized me and all of a sudden I was introduced to some of the management team and assigned my own stylist – Lisa. Lisa started collecting some of my choices in a change room and even drew a crown on my door with my name. For the next 2 hours the amazing Lisa pulled outfits for me, bold outfits, fun outfits and by the end of my trip I realized that the decision I made just a few hours earlier was the right one. I realized that we get to choose how we let things affect us. Does this mean we shove them down and forget that they are there, nope, not at all. Does it mean shopping solves our heartache (or other things for that matter, hell to the no!) We need to deal with the things that come up but we also choose right in the moment of pain how we can let it impact us.
Every day we are presented with decisions and opportunities, it is up to us what we decide. We can be meek and let things that hurt take over….or we can be bold and take life by the reigns and give ‘er! I’m all about the latter.
Now I know some of you after reading this are like – come on Sarah, why did you let this a** hole affect you still, and why on earth would you share it. But, then there are those of you who needed to read this and it will give you what you need to make right decisions in your own life – this post is for you. I humbly present myself transparently that I have bad days too but even bad days can turn into good ones when you make the decision to allow the crappy stuff to not define you.
So in honor of being bold let me introduce you to my first look from Torrid – I’m starting off bold for ya.
Links to the pieces are below the pictures
This was shot at night (which I actually didn’t think was possible) by Robert Skuja Photography. Man this guy is talented! We braved the cold and shot in the dark – we were bold (are you getting the theme here)! A Very big thank you to Robert for everything both off and on set! Be sure to check him out!
Makeup by Charelle at Sephora – Oshawa Centre
Stay tuned for some more looks from Torrid featuring these Red Pants and some other fun looks!