One of the lessons I’ve learned recently is that I can get in my own way of things. I never thought I did that but I’ve been much more aware of the reasons why I do things these days. See even though I’ve worked hard the last several years on my confidence, self-esteem and self-love, sometimes I catch myself questioning if I can do something. I’ve decided to adopt the age-old Nike saying, “Just Do It!” I’m just doing the F*cking thing – whatever the f*ucking thing I want is!
Whether it is trying a new food, or trying something new at the gym or dating, I’ve been just doing it and trying more. And guess what, I’m still here and I’ve got new experiences added to my belt. It has made me realize that for too long I had been doing 2 things: 1. I have been living in fear and not doing things out of fear – fear that it won’t work out, fear that I can’t do it, fear that I will fail and so on. 2. I have been living out of my past pain and identity without realizing it at times. I’ve also realized that I don’t allow other’s opinions of what I can and cannot do hold me back, so why do I get in my own way?
So let’s talk fear. There are a few things I’ve learned on this topic like…. The fears we don’t face become our limits. If we let fear limit us, we can actually miss out on so much. Fear can also kill your dreams. Imagine I didn’t move forward with my modelling if I let fear take over?! Or what if I listed to everyone who said I could never be a model, or be fit or be successful or even have an amazing live after divorce? Fear is also just a feeling and it’s on you can get over and it’s a choice YOU need to make – no one else can make it for you. For me, one of my greatest fears has been about letting go of control to allow what’s supposed to happen just happen (while still putting in the effort to do the f*ing thing). I’m not always going to know an outcome but if I don’t let go, I’ll never know.
Another area of fear I’ve had to address is my body in the gym. Because of my injuries and pain from the car accident I was in, I often avoid doing things out of fear of the pain that will follow. There’s smart precaution but then there is fear and I was living out of fear. So this past month I decided to make some changes during my workouts. I do a boot camp here in Toronto (Hourglass Workout). The classes are an hour long and I go 3-4 times a week. They incorporate weights, cardio, HIIT, etc. And up until about 6 weeks ago ago I had stopped working out because I was afraid of hurting myself again after recovering from sprained ligaments in my neck. But I went back to the gym, got back into the groove and after a week in I decided in my workouts I would stop being fearful of hurting myself and lift heavier when I knew I could. For example…squats is something we do a lot of (different variations) and I would squat with a 10 lb kettle bell. I knew I had more strength than that (and so did the instructors) but I would say, sorry can’t go heavier, my back will hurt. So, now it looks like me squatting with a 50 lb kettle bell instead. I know there are some things I still cant quite do yet or do as long as some other people because of my injuries but I try it and will just modify to something I know I can do. And guess what…I’m still here, I’m not broken and I’m getting stronger and I feel amazing (and proud of myself). And, despite the opinions people have of plus size people, I can kill it in the gym and complete these (sometimes insanely difficult) workouts.
When it comes to living out of my past pain and identity, I’ve worked so hard at reprograming my brain (and my heart) in soooo many areas of my life but there have still been some areas in life that are ‘new again’ experiences (like dating) and it’s almost like learning things as a teenager all over again. What I’ve known in the past has only been something that is unhealthy and I often compare it to the bad shit I knew and don’t live in what is actually reality now. I am actively working on this and I’m starting to see big changes in my life.
So when I say Just Do It! I really mean it. I’m just doing it, doing it all and enjoying life. What’s stopping you? I think it might be time to adopt Nike’s moto and Just Do It!
Oh and did you hear?!?! Nike has recently launched Plus Sizes to their fitness gear. I have always loved Nike workout gear so I’m so excited to hear they have listened to us plus athletes and recognized that just because we are plus doesn’t mean we don’t need clothes to workout in and it certainly doesn’t mean we aren’t athletes. This is one of my new fav workout get ups. I got it at Macy’s. The links to each item listed below.
Thanks Nike for listening to us and including us!
Hair, Makeup and Photos by Katiuska Idrovo Photography