These boots were not made for walking – Featuring Torrid

Well it’s New Years Eve and as the end of the year has been approaching, I’ve been very contemplative.  You know, when I embarked on the journey to healing 4 years ago, I sort of imagined things would be resolved really quickly.  I didn’t realize that it would be such a long walk!  In our society today, everything is done so quickly and everything is so accessible that when something takes a little longer we can often grow impatient, frustrated or annoyed.  With matters of the heart, there is no quick fix, there is no short walk.

I would say that I’ve totally had moments where I was annoyed and frustrated with myself that I was still dealing with some of the same crap.  Like why did things still hurt, why did I still feel the pain, why were things still so hard, why, just why.  But at some point in the journey I realized that I needed to have more compassion on myself and take a look at how far I had come and as another year comes to an end, I have found myself reflecting even more than usual.  Even if I wasn’t whole, I was no longer being abused and I was now safe.  I used to think that there was a formula to being whole.  Like, if I do X, Y and Z, I will see success, I will be fully healed, all my issues will be sorted out.  But then X wouldn’t happen which means Z didn’t happen and I got discouraged and felt defeated.

There is no formula in this journey.  What happens for one, does not mean it will happen for another.  I remember specifically during my separation hearing stories of people whose marriages were reconciled and I would legit put the list together of similarities between my situation and theirs and I would deduce the probability of where mine would end up.  You see, despite being married to an abusive man, I loved him and when I took my vows, I took them seriously and I had all hopes that we would fix us.  But all the analysis of my situation lined up with others, didn’t matter because my journey and my situation were unique and I could not control this man’s motives or decisions. 

I often have people ask me, so where do you see yourself going next.  And as much as I have some long term dreams and goals as well as some small immediate steps I plan on taking, I’ve really just given up the reigns of control and submitted my life into God’s hands.  Does that mean I’m passive and I sit back and wait for things to happen, no.  But it means that I’m not trying to control every aspect of my life.  As a result, my stress levels are wayyyy lower, I don’t feel so much pressure to ‘perform’, I am confident that the future is bright even though I have difficult days and I know I’m not alone.  And at the same time, so many doors have opened because I have been faithful with the small stuff and taking care of me. 

One thing I’ve learned in this journey is that you cannot plan everything.  Things will come up and it’s important to deal with them rather than ignore them – don’t shove them back down in hopes they won’t come back up, cause they will.  It is also important to be faithful with what you have right now.  Be thankful for what’s in front of you – your family, friends, job, opportunities, life itself. Love who you are today, not who you were, not the situation you were in, love and accept who you are at this very present moment.  And….Keep moving forward.  If you have a bad day, get up the next day, put that crown back on your head and walk into your day like the queen you are. 

If you are stuck in a situation today and know that you cannot live another day in this pain, make the decision to do something about it.  Talk to a trusted friend, mentor or family member and make a plan for next steps towards healing.  It seems really scary at first but I can promise you that it is worth it.  If you had told me 4 years ago that I would be where I am today I would have laughed at you.  But, as a result of the continuous small steps I’ve taken towards healing over the years, they have grown into great strides and it’s completely transformed who I am, my life, my contentment, my confidence and the love I have for myself. This is the time of year where people make massive New Years Resolutions and although I’m all for setting goals and following your dreams, it’s also important to be realistic.  So start small and work your way towards the direction you want to be in.  As they the, Rome was not built in a day, so be patient with yourself because it’s all about the journey and not so much the destination. 

Now, it’s a pretty good thing I wasn’t wearing a pair of boots like these for my whole journey.  I mean they are hot butttt not really practical for long walks.  I was looking for some over the knee boots and with these wide calves it’s been a struggle but I found these bad boys at Sirens.  I paired this with an awesome silver skirt and faux leather peplum top.  I just love this outfit, totally brings a little bit of my bad ass out. Links are below.
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And yes, you’ve seen this shirt before, it’s just another way to style it – can you tell I’m in love with it!  You’ve now seen 3 very different looks with it.

​Stay Beautiful,