Sometimes I look back along the journey I’ve been on and I am just astounded at not only where I am today but the woman I have become. It’s sooooo hard to realize that I once lived in such darkness and despair, but a mere 4-5 years ago everything just seemed dark.
I remember waking up some mornings and wondering if this would be the first day that I wouldn’t cry at all through the day or if I’d ever have a day that I didn’t cry. Would this be the day that I wasn’t overwhelmed with pain, sadness and darkness? Would I ever see the light?
I listened to a sermon last week where the pastor talked about how we can tend to look through things negatively in life, rather than looking at the positive. Do you see yourself and where you at and compare it to other people and then put yourself down because you aren’t where they are, or don’t have what they have. Do you look at your situation and think, If only I had this or that or could do this or that, I’d actually be happy?
In a world where everything is about instant gratification, we forget that life is a journey and not a destination and although the journey can be difficult at times, it can also be rewarding, teach us so much and prepare us for what’s to come. Back in my early 20’s I was a youth leader at my church. This was just before I met my ex-husband. I was actually in school to be a youth pastor and my mentor (and former youth pastor) had given me a nickname – STRETCH. He saw something in me back then and helped stretch me beyond my limits. He gave me an opportunity to speak and to mentor the girls in the youth group. I knew that my calling back then was to work with young women. But then, I got snatched by the darkness, or rather I allowed the darkness to slowly seep in and it eventually over took me.
A year after that darkness came into my life, I had dropped out of my schooling, stopped going to church and stopped pursuing what I knew was my calling in life. My life became about survival, pleasing this abusive and unfaithful man and my whole world was dark- every area of my life was affected.
A few weeks ago while reading a book called “Girl Talk, Words every world changer needs to hear” by Katie Zeppieri. Katie talked about her quote that she left in her high school year book and I was reminded of what mine was….
“All the darkness in the world cannot put out the light of a single candle”. This was a quote I heard during training as I was preparing to head to South Africa to teach students for the month – I was 16 (that’s over half my life ago, if that doesn’t make you feel old, I don’t know what does lol).
You see, I never totally lost my light. My purpose did not die when darkness entered my life. I am a fighter through and through and after my husband left, I lost my job and I was left alone with nothing attached to my identity, I still had that flicker of light that gave me hope though. Hope that there was more light to be discovered ,hope that my days wouldn’t always be dark and that one day, I would live in peace again and truly be happy.
My goal in life is to be a light to women (and men) to show them how valuable, worthy and beautiful they are, just as they are. This light has fought hard to stay lit but there ain’t no way it’s going out!
If you are in a dark place, let my story give you hope that there are brighter days ahead, that there is joy in the morning and that this too shall pass.
Now this dress….I had my eye on it for a while and finally picked it up and I Just love it! It’s fun, different and I feel beautiful and sexy in it! And that wall I found ….perfect for this blog post – from black and white, into colour – out of the darkness and into the light! I paired this with my fav coral pumps by Steve Maden and adorned my neck and ears with a beautiful heart Swarovski set my mom gave me a couple years ago.
Dress: Rebdolls (Garner Style Collection)
Shoes: Steve Madden (a couple years ago)
To see this dress in motion, check out my video submission to be the Face of Full Figured Fashion Week. I did not win, but boy am I sure proud of my journey and the work involved in this video and I just have to share.
All photos © 2015 Robert Skuja Photography
Eye Lashes (extensions) by Love Ur Look Beauty my official eyelash specialist
Makeup by Nichole Lukasik
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